Years Where Nothing Seemed To Happen

 I met a guy a week ago. 

He approached me at an event. He actually spoke two different times. The second time I figured he'd put in enough effort to get my phone number. The next night we talked on the phone. He had a lot to say. He spoke about everything from sexual experiences in college to why his marriage failed. He then asked me about my sex life. Specifically he wanted to know how many men I'd slept with. I told him, but he didn't seem to believe me. Maybe it was because he didn't even know his own number. Anyway, I told him my truth. 

I've had years where being around a man came easily. Whether it was actively dating, friends w/ benefits, or plain old sneakily link situations a man was there. But there were also years where nothing happened. During these years I focused on my writing heavily, traveled some, and looked forward to what was next. 

2012-2013 was one of those periods of time. I visited my best friend in Hawaii and the next year went to NYC to be with a group of bloggers and business owners. 

2015-2016 I planted my foot back into the dating world, but those years actually felt like years of nothing happening. I published my first book, but realized that I wasn't getting far in my writing career. I had some friends that purchased books, but no real fanbase. One thing I've learned about this industry is its way easier to encounter other authors than it is to encounter readers. 

2019 until present- In 2019 I knew the relationship I was in was no longer progressing. But something else was happening. I felt like my life wasn't progressing either. Before I was ever told that I gonna be searching for a new job in 2020, there was a heavy dread lingering inside of me. Most people look forward to the future, but I wasn't looking forward to it. I just wanted to stick to what I knew and make more money. Although I like my job now, I'm not doing good financially. 

Since 2020 I've talked to men, each for probably only a second, but nothing has progressed from the conversations. They were all looking for casual sex. It didn't matter though. 

Every year we make jokes about our bodies aching in some way, but in 2021 the aches became a real emergency to take care of. The aches came from diabetes and they came right around the time I had started a new job with no insurance attached to it. By 2022 I realized I had put more charges on credit cards than I could handle. 

2023 is right around the corner. I have a list of goals made. I have ideas of what I could do to move my career further while staying in positions I actually like. My mind is mixed with dread and hope for the future. "Everyday the sun won't shine."