If I Could Control These Things, I'd Leave Them In 2022

For almost two weeks, there was a winter freeze. I bundled up. I checked for leaks around the house and outside. I found one that the water company shouldn't charge me for. During the last winter freeze, companies actually helped us out by sending much smaller utility bills than normal. Those companies that fixed bursted pipes made a lot of money, but that's another story. This time bills will more than likely look normal.  There were no power outages, but as the sun is shining bright again prices are already increasing.

Gas prices have gone back up some. I won't notice other things til January, but I'm sure gas prices went back up because of that winter freeze. I've noticed this happening a lot lately. There's a natural disaster, so we have to pay for it. Temperatures are crazy, but we have to pay for it with utility bills and fixing problems. 

If I could control it, I'd leave us paying for the things that naturally happen in the world in 2022. 

There are some other things I'd leave in the past, but that's a topic for later. 

Dear Santa, For Christmas I Want

 *Money on an EBT card

For real. Have y'all seen the prices of groceries lately? I'm a diabetic too. After my initial diagnosis my appetite became full of extremely healthy food choices. But eating healthy costs twice as much money as eating unhealthy and prices keep increasing on food. How? Anyway, I'm gonna apply for food stamps until I finally get some help 

*Extra money in my bank account. I'm trying to pay some stuff down and I wanna start paying some stuff off faster. I guess that means a second job, huh? So Santa, gift me the perfect part time job because unlike these multimillionaires, there are no billionaires giving me checks. 

*Someone to love. Make sure he's not a hobosexual though. Then again, I might just do a Tiktok to the song and call it a year. 

*A break. I plan to start and complete a certification during my Christmas time off, but please allow me wiggle room to rest still. Back when I was unhealthy, I had weird sleeping schedules. Now my body is on a regular sleeping schedule. Deliver me a little extra sleep during the holiday or some of my favorite Starbucks vanilla Frappuccino to make waking up early worth it. 

*More creativity in 2023. Creativity in the form of music, painting, and writing. Creativity in ways I never would have thought of before. Fulfill my heart's desires. 

*Oh and although I said I'd work for that extra money, if you want to just gift me a couple hundred (or a thousand), I'll greatly appreciate it. 

Years Where Nothing Seemed To Happen

 I met a guy a week ago. 

He approached me at an event. He actually spoke two different times. The second time I figured he'd put in enough effort to get my phone number. The next night we talked on the phone. He had a lot to say. He spoke about everything from sexual experiences in college to why his marriage failed. He then asked me about my sex life. Specifically he wanted to know how many men I'd slept with. I told him, but he didn't seem to believe me. Maybe it was because he didn't even know his own number. Anyway, I told him my truth. 

I've had years where being around a man came easily. Whether it was actively dating, friends w/ benefits, or plain old sneakily link situations a man was there. But there were also years where nothing happened. During these years I focused on my writing heavily, traveled some, and looked forward to what was next. 

2012-2013 was one of those periods of time. I visited my best friend in Hawaii and the next year went to NYC to be with a group of bloggers and business owners. 

2015-2016 I planted my foot back into the dating world, but those years actually felt like years of nothing happening. I published my first book, but realized that I wasn't getting far in my writing career. I had some friends that purchased books, but no real fanbase. One thing I've learned about this industry is its way easier to encounter other authors than it is to encounter readers. 

2019 until present- In 2019 I knew the relationship I was in was no longer progressing. But something else was happening. I felt like my life wasn't progressing either. Before I was ever told that I gonna be searching for a new job in 2020, there was a heavy dread lingering inside of me. Most people look forward to the future, but I wasn't looking forward to it. I just wanted to stick to what I knew and make more money. Although I like my job now, I'm not doing good financially. 

Since 2020 I've talked to men, each for probably only a second, but nothing has progressed from the conversations. They were all looking for casual sex. It didn't matter though. 

Every year we make jokes about our bodies aching in some way, but in 2021 the aches became a real emergency to take care of. The aches came from diabetes and they came right around the time I had started a new job with no insurance attached to it. By 2022 I realized I had put more charges on credit cards than I could handle. 

2023 is right around the corner. I have a list of goals made. I have ideas of what I could do to move my career further while staying in positions I actually like. My mind is mixed with dread and hope for the future. "Everyday the sun won't shine."