For a moment in time I really fell in love.
A virus was going around. No one knew for sure how it formed and how it was spreading so fast. But everyone knew it was bad. For a month the government had been contemplating shutting everything down to control this spread. People would have to be confined to their homes unless they needed groceries. Clubs, bars, and even places designed for children to have fun would be shut down.
A week before the shut down officially took place I signed papers to get a certification. I was ready to embark on a new career and I was afraid my money would eventually stop before I could get hired somewhere new. I could barely concentrate on hobbies, but the concern had been lingering since the beginning of February. But then the shut down happened and new work became less of a concern.
Canvases, paint, paintbrushes, water, medium, varnish, and supplies to keep the floor from getting messy consumed my space. I opened myself up to really start creating. Youtube videos of artists pouring acrylic paint onto canvases consumed my phone and computer screen. Although an expensive hobby, this wasn't about the money. It was just about exploring something new without the pressures of the world on my back.
The enjoyment lasted for months. The virus, COVID19, turned out to be much worse than our government predicted. Companies continued to lay people off more than they were hiring people. A hiring freeze occurred to unemployed people weren't expected to document how many jobs they were applying to per week. They could just click zero and go back to whatever they were doing. In my case, it was having fun with my new hobby.
Everything seemed to fall apart the minute that extra $600 stopped coming in unemployment payments. More people were getting sick, but jobs were becoming available. I had to work. I accepted the first thing I was offered. I had to start all over again in a new industry. In that same month I lost two close relatives whose funerals I couldn't even attend. I found out another close relative was sick with an unpredictable illness. Since then I've spent months checking up on numbers of people getting sick across the country, numbers of people dying, and wondering if my own future will start looking bright again.
Even if I don't express it (or don't do it often), I really do care about those around me. I care about my family, friends, acquaintances, and I don't even wish bad on enemies. However, even more I care about the things that have brought me joy; things that I never knew I needed in my life until I decided to experiment. I wonder if I'll ever be have a moment where I can just relax and enjoy the moment again.